This is the most common question I get asked, “how do you do it all?” I’m sure all the moms reading this right now, have a smirk on their face, because y’all know, NOBODY can do it all. My friends often compliment me on my ability to juggle a full time job, a house and a family and lately blogging; often calling me a SUPER MOM, guess what my reaction to those comments is: LOL. Because there’s no such thing as super moms; we all are barely surviving this crazy roller coaster of a thing called motherhood but with the determination of a spider refusing to be defeated under any circumstances because moms are badass like that and I’m confidently speaking on behalf of all the mothers out there!
Nothing is what it seems!
So why does it appear that I am managing everything in life so gracefully? Well first of all, most people only see what I allow them to see both in real life and especially on social media. When I’m with a friend, I am definitely presenting a better version of myself and before you start judging, it’s not because I’m being fake, but because that’s how normal human beings behave in a society. We can’t be expressing all our emotions in public especially anger neither should we invite a friend in a dirty house; surrounded by dirty laundry or piles of dishes. It’s just not decent, in fact I think it’s quite disrespectful. I like to make my guests feel comfortable and most importantly ensure that they don’t feel like they’re visiting an unhygienic place and I expect a similar atmosphere when I visit someone as well. I myself might be okay with my own dirty house but another person definitely would not appreciate that!
On social media, like everyone else, I am only sharing the carefully curated highlights of my daily life and hardly share any failures. I post clips of play time with my daughter but never the tantrums or the never ending negotiations during meal times, I post my meal prep stories on Sundays but nobody notices that one Sunday when I skipped and fed my family frozen food that entire week!!! At the end of the day, I am human and I just can’t “do it all” ALL the time! So whether you’re my real life friend or an insta friend, I assure you, I don’t do it all, I can’t do it all, it’s physically not possible.
Keeping the priorities straight
My friends always ask how do you manage to dress up yourself, dress your kid nicely, keep your house tidy, feed your family home cooked meals aaand do blogging? And the answer to that question is simple: I can do all of those things because they are pretty high up on my priority list which might not be the case for another mom. Every woman is different and so is her priorities. Just like a day job, even at home you need to prioritize things according to its importance to you.
Top items on MY priority list:
- Keeping my child happy and feel loved and keeping a healthy relationship with my spouse by spending enough quality time with them.
- Eating healthy as a family to ensure physical wellbeing for everybody.
- Self care in any shape or form to keep my soul happy.
- Keeping a clutter free home for my mental clarity.
Apart from these, I also have sub-items on my priority list which varies between weekdays and weekends.
On weekends I make it a point for me to put some makeup on and dress up, dress my kid up nicely and go somewhere together as a family. Because that makes me happy. And I usually keep such expectations for the weekends ONLY whereas the same thing would stress me out on weekdays when I’m pressed with time.
Weekdays are like sprints when I’m rushing like a madwoman and function like a robot strictly following our schedule by the minute and in the morning my main priority is to reach work on time with brushed teeth and drop my kid off without missing her lunch or school supplies. (Winning in life guys! lol) So on weekdays, priorities are very basic and expectations are very low. So set them priorities straight and you’ll be golden!
Identifying the main source of stress
These stress causing activities will vary from mother to mother but the 3 things that stresses me out are:
- Cooking on weeknights.
- Having social commitments on weeknights.
- A messy house.
Managing the stress causing events
To tackle the anxiety of weeknight cooking, my approach is straight forward. Hint: meal prep, meal prep, meal prep! I spend 2-3 hours to cook 3-4 dishes on Sundays which I will refrigerate and eat throughout the week for dinner and lunches. I feel very motivated to do it when I think about the fact that healthy, home cooked meal will be ready for me to devour after a long day of work without having to move a finger. Eating healthy is a huge priority for me and meal prepping goes hand in hand with that. All three of us take lunch from home and never buy lunch from outside. So as a bonus, we also save tons of money by preparing our meals in advance.
I avoid social commitments on weeknights at all costs and also limit them to max 4 per month to ensure I have at least 1 day of each of the weekend in a month free for family and “me” time.
To keep a tidy house, I use a few strategies.
-I only keep things that we all use regularly which includes toys, clothes, stationary, tools, miscellaneous items, etc. I also frequently sort, declutter and donate stuff to local donation centers.
-We have a designated spot for EVERYTHING in our house, i.e. tv remote, keys, bills, clean dishes, dirty dishes, toys, jackets and so on and we ALL put everything back to where it belongs after each use. I started teaching this to my daughter since she was about 3 years old so she also tries her best to follow this rule but she’s only 4.5 so it’s a work in progress.
-I have also taught her to put away her toys after playing each time and to play with ONE toy at a time, though there are some resistance there but majority of the time she cooperates.
-She is not allowed to eat anywhere but at the dining table and sometimes the couch if eating dry food which helps to keep the mess on check tremendously because if you know you know how much mess a toddler can make while eating and it’s much easier to clean when it’s just confined in one small area.
Being prepared for all my child’s school needs in advance
-I always make sure to pack my daughter’s lunch the night before.
-I help my child do her homework and pack her bag within an hour or two after she gets home from school.
-I pick 5 outfits for the whole week for my daughter on Sunday which is readily accessible in the morning.
-I wake up at least 30 minutes before my child to give myself some time to relax, have some coffee and get ready so by the time she wakes up, I am ready to focus on her.
Keeping a calendar/planner
I cannot stress enough how important it is to write EVERYTHING down that is happening throughout the week and upcoming months, in a calendar or planner. I write down my work related events, my child’s school events/homework stuff, whole family’s doctor appointments, annual renewal of things like vehicle plates, social commitments and so much more! I also write down the menu for my meal prep for at least 2 weeks and make a grocery list accordingly. Trust me, write EVERYTHING down in a planner, because if you don’t, you’re bound to forget! In fact if you’re like me, even after writing it down, you might forget unless you had a reminder set up for it. Even after 5 years, I’m still dealing with major pregnancy brain issues lol. But I lied though, I don’t use a planner. I hate the actual writing part so I use the reminder and task option on my iphone and I put all the schedules and appointments there up-to few months in advance then I set the reminder to go off at least 24 hours before the actual day of the event so I have enough time to prepare in case there is any preparation needed. And I use the notepad to create menus, grocery lists and other lists.
Delegating household chores
Me and my husband both work full time so it’s only fair we share the household chores equally. But there are things I’m good at like cooking, cleaning, budgeting and there are things he’s good at like maintaining the yard, taking the garbage and recycle out, keeping the garage tidy, etc. And for once or twice a month, I get the house deep cleaned by a professional cleaner, this is life changing guys and very hygienic as well. I personally don’t think I could do such a good job when it comes to cleaning the bathrooms.
Practicing selfcare
This one is a no brainer and EVERYBODY is doing it these days! It is super duper important to take care of myself mentally and physically in order to be a good mom and a good wife. I can go on and on about this topic but most importantly eating healthy is the fundamental pillar of my selfcare routine. Other than that my idea of self care is pretty basic. Some common things people mention when it comes to selfcare is brunching with girlfriends or girls night out or splurging in a spa or a salon. I never do any of that however selfcare to me is focusing on myself ONLY without being interrupted 3,456 times by a toddler. And usually that means, me uninterruptedly working on my blog or instagram page, brainstorming ideas or it could just be binge watching Netflix or an hour or two at Homesense (home goods store lol) with a coffee in my hand. I know I am very low maintenance, please tell my husband that!
Spending date nights with your partner
Again, for date nights, we have a very unconventional idea and me and my husband both are on the same page about it. We are a very paranoid bunch of parents and couldn’t gather the courage to hire a babysitter in the 4.5 years of our parenting life, we have absolutely no family around if that explains the hurdle a little. So the odd times we did go on a date would be when a very close family friend was kind enough to watch our daughter. So usually our date nights are done at home, after our daughter goes to bed and it consists of food, drinks and Netflix and usually happens every Friday or Saturday depending on our work schedule. And we both look forward to this after the end of long working weeks. During weekdays we barely get the time to sit and talk, so this really gives us the time to unwind and reconnect and serves as a huge stress relieving factor.
Limiting social commitments
Saying no to social commitments that doesn’t make me happy and moreover not committing to a lot of events in general has been THE KEY for me to keep my work life balance. Thankfully I am not overly social myself and I REQUIRE some alone time and quality time to spend with my family, so having minimal social commitments has done wonders to keep my sanity.
Lastly, I also try not be too hard on myself when I don’t live up to my own “very high, unrealistic” expectations lol because I know how damn hard I try just to get by day to day. So it definitely is very important to cut myself some slacks and having a positive mindset in general so if something doesn’t go right one day, I know it WILL another day! Life is not meant to be perfect, it’s meant to be enjoyed!
